What Are You Here For

Learning to fly.

It involves taking in your surroundings while realizing that what was good, necessary even, in one season no longer 'fits' where you were made to be. A nest, a family while comfortable, & good becomes a place where you can become limited. Dependant even. Because, were birds made to stay in a nest, or take to the skies? What are they here for? What are they made to do?

This is a question I think every one of us has asked ourselves at one time. 'Leave & cleave/cling' was actually a concept designed by God. There's something innate, natural within us that causes us to stretch out & try our 'wings'. Something in us that desires to seek what's "out there".

I've spent most of my life banging against one wall or another trying to figure this out. What am I here for? If you come from pain, or abuse it can make you wonder if that's all there is. But there's a man named Jesus who takes that concept & completely scraps it. Who takes the ideas you had about life & it's meaning, & completely redefines & redesigns it. This is what He's done in me.

It is because of this that I decided to "make the leap". At my age, it seems utterly ridiculous right? Give away your car, sell or give away all your belongings, leave your comfy & guaranteed job with people who love you, leave your friends & family, & move away (ok Abraham) to a place you've never been, to not quite know what you'll do in 5 months. All the while, the provision is there- for now. It works against every planning bone in my body that has a 2, 5 or 10 year plan. It grinds against every gear of control within my carefully constructed life.

"Trust God".

Throughout my life, I've consistently learned one thing (I thought)- you can only trust yourself. I've always loved horses. I learned I am SO much like them. They are purely driven by need & survival. They will (quite literally) eat themselves to death because the survival instinct says they don't know when they'll get their next meal. Horses in captivity still have this instinct, even though every need they have is met. So they have to be carefully monitored so they don't 'founder'.

Trusting something, or someone is not something natural to me. And here is the perfect opportunity to have my gears of control grind to a perfect halt- "Trust God". Go against my survival instincts, & trust that no matter how it looks or 'feels', He's got me. He's even got my family. He'll provide NOT according to what I have- because quite honestly I have nothing left- but according to what HE has.

So here I am- living now at YWAM LA for the next 5 months. He told me to GO. I followed in what I hope & pray is an act of faith, & not one of the most foolish things I've ever done. I stepped out in obedience to a call He gave me in July of 2010. Through many, many obstacles- nearly walking away from my faith, nearly losing my dad, nearly losing my health- I put a stake in the ground that THIS IS IT. If I'm going to live my life for God, I cannot do this half way. It's all or nothing, because that's how He lived & died for me.

I am coming up on my first full week of my DTS in Los Angeles, & already every circuit I have- emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually- has been blown. I have never felt more out of control, or more in the center of God's will than I have now. It is crazy. The 6 women I live with now, plus the two young men in my DTS have become family quicker than I have ever experienced bonding with a group of people. Each of us has faced family, finances, & all coupled in the face of a global pandemic to answer the call of God on our lives to receive training to "Go into all the world..." But isn't this the call of the greatest commission there's ever been? All of it leading up to the biggest day the world will ever know: the coming back to the globe of Jesus as King?

So Father, help us- help me to be fearless in love as I stand on the edge ready to leap. I know from past experiences that You will catch me if I fall. You have ALWAYS been Faithful. You will be Faithful now. It's who You are. THIS is what I'm here for. To love You, & to reflect that love to a world who doesn't yet know Your name. So help me God.

~Joanna